


Biscuit's no good, very bad miraculous group chat fic

by None_Of_Your_Biscuits



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: :) intensifies, Chatting & Messaging, Enjoy ur trash my children, Gender fluid Sabrina but not until later, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I cater to a specific audience and that audience is ME, Multi, Telletubby squad is a hell of my own making, Texting, This is a roger unsafe space i hate him, julebrina supremacy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26943343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/None_Of_Your_Biscuits/pseuds/None_Of_Your_Biscuits
Summary: I'm sorry
Comments: 13
Kudos: 56





	1. Fucking why

_Marinette has added Alya, Mylene, Kim and 11 others to Chat ___

__Marinette: As class president I decided that having a way for us all to communicate would be useful for school work._ _

__Marinette: Then I realized you guys would never use it for its intended purpose._ _

__Marinette: So now it just exists, have fun._ _

__Alya: First order of business  
Alya: Names  
Alya: Just, pick names for other people and if they agree go with it  
Alya: I know you're all on so we'll all know who's who_ _

__Alix: wait wait I've got one  
Alix: juleka? _ _

__Juleka: yeah?_ _

__Alix: what was that nickname your brother used_ _

__Juleka: Jule?  
Juleka: okay I think I see where this is going_ _

___Juleka has changed their name to vape ____ _

____Nathaniel: LMAO JUUL_ _ _ _

____Kim: 420_ _ _ _

____Mylene: No! Drugs are bad guys!_ _ _ _

____Kim: petition for mylene to change her name to the d.a.r.e lion_ _ _ _

____Mylene: okay you know what? Thats fair_ _ _ _

_____Mylene has changed their name to D.A.R.E Lion ____ _ _ _

______Sabrina: Hypothetical question, what do you guys think is the best way to cook human meat?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kim: what_ _ _ _ _ _

______vape: ma says slow cooker because humans have fattier meat and it'll be like pull apart soft meat_ _ _ _ _ _

______Chloe: Barbecue_ _ _ _ _ _

______Rose: what the actual FUCK guys_ _ _ _ _ _

______Alix: rose swore, chloe sabrina and juleka are nuts, the world is ending_ _ _ _ _ _

______Marinette: Sabs why did you even need to know that?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Sabrina: I was bored_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Sabrina has changed their name to Sabs ____ _ _ _ _ _

________Chloe: I read that as sobs and started cackling_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Rose: Marinara why did you make this at 3 am  
Rose: Chloe's going insane  
Rose: **MARINETTE_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Marinette: too late for that_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Marinette changed their name to Marinara ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Nathaniel:_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________Nathaniel has changed their name to Po ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Po: y'all know what to do_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________vape: sorry name but I'm purple, this is my calling_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________vape has changed their name to Tinky-Winky ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Kim: I don't know what the fuck is going on but I'm scared_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Rose: https://youtu.be/S3_qPyW_BA4_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Kim:  
Kim: rose that didn't make me feel better_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Rose has changed their name to The Sun Baby ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The Sun Baby: good._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________The Sun Baby: Alix? Chloe?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Alix:  
Alix: fucking fine_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________Alix has changed their name to Dipsy ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Chloe: I feel like I'm going to regret everything tomorrow but  
Chloe: eh_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________Chloe has changed their name to Laa-Laa ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Po: we are complete._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Tinky-Winky: the ritual has begun._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Kim: this is why I stay away from the art room_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Max: go to sleep you mongrels  
Max: and Marinette_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Kim: it's physically illegal to be mean to marinara  
Kim: *Marinette  
Kim: why the fuck does this keep happening  
\---  
Ms. Bustier sighed, one the one hand, she had to watch the art kids tomorrow but on the other hand, Marinette didn't even realize she was in the chat, free entertainment. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Morally questionable, but the looks on her student's faces when she revealed it would be Priceless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. fucking what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listn. listen

Kim: marinette  
KIm: marinette turn on your location i just want to talk

Tinky-Winky: what.

Kim: mari i fucking SAW you dont even try

Marinara: h

Sabs: Kim what

Kim: she put milk before cereal i saw her

The Sun baby: yeah and?  
The Sun baby: Doesn’t everyone??

Tinky-Winky:  
Tinky-Winky: rose i want a divorce

The Sun baby: we arent even married

Tinky-Winky: then marry me you coward

The Sun baby: fine.

Tinky-Winky: fine.

Dipsy: w

Po: i mean i just eat dry cereal

Kim: thats valid nd i love you but mari and rose have to go

Tinky-Winky: you cant delete my new wife ill cry

Kim: bet

Tinky-Winky: :’(

The Sun baby: aw kim you made my wife cry ill have to end you now

Kim: shut

Alya: literally the milk before cereal thing isnt even that weird leave mari alone  
Marinara: the only bitch i respect

Alya: i mean i eat warm cereal and its not that bad

Po: alya please tell me you mean oatmeal  
Po: alya

Kim: YOU FUCKING LIKE MICRIWAVE A BOWL OF CEREAL?

Marinara: i take it back alya die actually

Alya: k

Marinara: wait no

Alya: this isnt even the weirdest thing this class does 

Po: explain

Alya: the fuck you mean explain  
Alya: literally last week i walked into the art club looking for mari and all 5 of you were standing around a bucket of paint surrounded by candles with the lights off chanting “tubby custard” over and over 

Po: yeah and

Alya: the art teacher was standing on his desk and screaming 

The Sun baby: thats normal what u mean

Laa-Laa: you know  
Laa-Laa: i only have two emotions but one is definitely regret

Sabs: hi chloe

Laa-Laa: hi sabrina

Marinara: whats wrong with all of you

Tinky-Winky: today my brother pushed me so im starting a kickstarter to put him down  
Tinky-Winky: the benifits of killing him is ill get pushed way less

Kim: what

Tinky-Winky: id kill him myself but i saw him tuck his guitar into bed once so i live in fear

Kim: what

Marinara: kim say what again and ill rip out ur vertebrae one by one

Kim: wHaT

Marinara:  
Marinara: ok u no what>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my art class was wild


	3. TUBBY TUBBY TUBBY TUBBY TUBBY TUBBY tUbBy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TUBBYTUBBYTUBBYpoggers, sabrinaTUBBYTUBBY

Kim: mari can i have my vertebae back

Marinara: no  
Marinara: it's property of the gay squad now 

Kim: ok  
Kim: i see how it be

Dipsy: gay squad sentences you to death for your crimes

Sabs: straight people crimes

Kim: as a Gay™ im ashamed of my sel f i deserve it

Dipsy: glad you agree  
Dipsy: max thank you for teaching me to hack

Kim: ehat

Kim has changed their name to Cool Jock

Cool Jock: alix??? 

Dipsy: this is a threat. 

Sabs: Chloe. 

Dipsy: uh oh

Sabs: Chloe did you steal potato

Cool Jock: ??? 

Sabs: my dog

Laa-Laa: we are vibing  
Laa-Laa: in the yard

Sabs: locked up for crimes of stealing potato

Cool Jock: poggers

Sabs: die actually

Cool Jock has changed their name to Poggers, Sabrina

Sabs: wow  
Sabs: I see how it is

Tinky-Winky: yo what the fuck

Sabs: quiet purple

Tinky-Winky: hensmla  
Tinky-Winky: Rude

Sun Baby: don't be mean! 

Dipsy: literally ehat

Sun Baby: ? 

Dipsy: you both always show up at the same time what the fuck

Sun Baby:   
Sun Baby: quiet alix

Dipsy: no  
Dipsy: hey adrien how's ur fanfic going

Adrien: Just expose me, why don't you. 

Dipsy: stop typing like a straight person and I won't 

Adrien: That's fair. 

Ivan: :(

Dipsy: don't worry ivan ur our token straight

Ivan: :) 

Dipsy: tall people need to Die tho  
Dipsy: starting with the Purple

Tinky-Winky: what did I ever do to you??? 

Dipsy: you know too much

Tinky-Winky: w  
Tinky-Winky: oh yeah, That. 

Dipsy: council of judgement assemble

Po: yo

Sun Baby: dirty lurker

Po: die

Sun Baby: no. 

Laa-Laa: I vote we kill juleka

Tinky-Winky: I ain't even mad   
Tinky-Winky: you remembered my name :) 

Laa-Laa: fuck  
Laa-Laa: she did the little smile we can't kill her now

Dipsy: we Could

Po: alix no

Dipsy: alix Yes

Sun Baby: Alix no

Dipsy: alix maybe? 

Laa-Laa: Alix No.

Dipsy: Alix no. 

Tinky-Winky: now that we're done discussing my demise, the tubby meetings comnesces  
Tinky-Winky: commenves

Sun Baby: commences. 

Tinky-Winky: thanks

Laa-Laa: are we indoctrinating anyone? 

Po: yea  
Po: alya saw the secret ritual we either indoctrinate her or kill her

Marinara: uhhh

Po: shit we've been found

Dipsy: SCATTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting chapters at 4 am cause I hate myself

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is none-of-your-biscuits if you want to talk to me


End file.
